How Did I Get Into This Mess

Car Insurance Home Insurance - How Did I Get Into This Mess

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Thinking back on those years I seriously wonder whether they ever happened but then I seek out the few photographs that survived that devastating inferno and remind myself that I am not mad or hallucinating, that I did not make them up and that I undoubtedly did live straight through those terrifying things. And yes I contemplated suicide many times, and yes I nearly drank myself to death - why not? Don't us all when things get so far out of hand that we lose operate over our own lives. But somehow I got through. Then I pinch myself to remind myself that I am here and living an additional one life and that this is not a dream and that I won't wake back in those awful years. Nevertheless here and now I still feel sometimes as if I am living man else's life in an alternative time.

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This tale is not one of self pity or sympathy seeking. Being of a scientific turn of mind I truly believe in cause and result and so even now I still try to work out when and why it all went wrong. There must have been a point in time when I could have stopped it and if there was why I didn't. Was I deaf, blind or possessed? There must be a lesson in their somewhere. We should all learn from our mistakes. Private disasters are no less so because they only happen to one person. When they happen to many much sympathy and relief kicks in or there is reserve from those in the same boat but when such bizarre things happen to one man explaining them, their contexts, influences and result on you is beyond comprehension for others. Frankly they think you're lying or mad or both.

During those years when I felt as if I was living on Planet Zog and a group parallel life I asked a friend who was on the periphery of living straight through a great deal of it with me -

"How and where would you begin to tell the story?" We agreed that it was approximately impossible but since so were the circumstances I am going to try anyway.

I suppose my most failing is my massive inferiority complex and the need to please. "Frankly I don't give a damn" is wholly out of my universe. So when the first marriage broke up and he left with my best friend leaving me finding after her two kids I blamed myself. Somehow life straightened out and the kids at last went to live with their mum and my ex but I avoided men like the plague. So it was not my enthusiasm that got me into marriage number two but I was thought about (having failed as I saw it) that this one would work. On reflection all number two wanted was to get on with his career, have a respectable wife and screw every woman he could behind my back but I was so focused on house and manufacture all exquisite for him that I did not notice. More fool me! He was victorious and I was his partner... It wasn't undoubtedly until the birth of one of our children many years into the marriage that I found out about the others and blamed myself - again. Still we patched it up and soldiered on. Did it stop - no - but I guess that was my fault too.

On the surface many saw us as a exquisite couple. We had money and all the trappings of success. What they failed to see and I never told was the domestic violence, the drunken rages and the obsessive operate that my then husband exercised over us within the house home. His own relationship with his parents had been difficult so I wanted to give him enough love to make him see that love could conquer all. I went to church; I prayed and would have moved heaven and earth for him if I had been able to.

Quite what was the straw that broke the camels back I don't know - possibly the fact that it was Christmas? Christmas was all the time a special time for the house and here we were nearly Christmas Eve and he was on a company trip. As it happens this company trip complex being at the Albert Hall at a concert and showing yet an additional one much younger female round London. I calmly loaded his clothes into the car, drove down to his office, stuck the house portrait sunshade style on the windscreen and left the keys at reception. Christmas Eve saw me in court asking for an Injunction against him returning to the house home. I knew that if he ever came back we would all suffer badly. Many years later I still felt that if he and I were in the same room alone I would not leave it alive.

Despite all the difficulties of the marriage I truly felt that I understood the man and what made him tick. To a inevitable extent the years had taught me how to deal with much of it. How wrong I was.

Apparently this latest flame had undoubtedly been introduced to his side of the house (I did not know) though in quite what capacity I cannot say. Nevertheless my then mum in law undoubtedly knew of her existence before I did and even knew where they were when I called her to sort out Christmas arrangements. The finality of the injunction and the rapid move towards divorce left me breathless as I needed to stop this lesson of my life and the children's and move on. What I did not know was that he would pursue me in any way he could for many years and undoubtedly to this day.

Still my husband he set up home with the latest flame. Friends say that had I not thrown him out she would have gone the way of all the others but she was like a limpet and no doubt saw the money and lifestyle as within her grasp and grab it she did. I just wanted out.

My solicitor got me a divorce in six months and I moved away. We had an arrangement for the adolescent children and I undoubtedly felt that we could all now move on. It was strange because twenty years of my life had disappeared. All those diminutive things that you remember or have done, the places you have been the things that you shared suddenly become a diminutive unreal - did it undoubtedly happen or did I read about it in a book.

We communicated by phone until the limpet banned our talking directly and so we communicated by solicitors letter. What was she afraid of I wonder. undoubtedly he had at one stage told the children that we would remarry but that was absolute nonsense.

Having spent over twenty years working for my ex I was unemployed. I had lost my marriage, my home, my job and to a inevitable extent my personal purpose. I was 50 and without purpose or direction. The children needed me less and less and I needed something to do.

So I started a b/b and I guess that my new troubles began at that point or possibly it was at the point that I acquired a new man. Until then the ex had not been publicly or outwardly obsessive or aggressive while the divorce proceedings - we had sorted out our detach lives and got on with them. - At least I had view so. On reflection possibly he needed me to curl up and die without him, he needed me to fail in life without him, and he needed me to be nothing without him. He was the front man who had totally missed the fact that in all those years he had only been that because I had subjugated to him, all the time put him first and I suppose put him there.

From those points in time my ex interfered in our lives at every point. undoubtedly circumstances went his way but much of that was possibly due to the number of money that he threw at them. He paid habitancy to spy on us incessantly. He knew when we left the house and when we came back (He lived over 400 miles away). He would call the police and say we were abusing the children. He interfered in the company at any and every stage - we had incessant visits from the council, trading standards or health and safety. After a while all the officials cottoned on and knew what was going on but they would have to come out. On one opportunity the officer had not had any breakfast so I made him a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich. The next complaint was against the police - police corruption!!!!!

I suppose we could have laughed the whole thing off and nearly did had it not been for a dire twist of fate - my new and victorious company went up in flames. An accident pure and simple - started by a guest but that's when my ex undoubtedly went to town. Using the press who love to print anything he destroyed us and our reputations. We had done it for the insurance, we were gangsters, we were criminals, I was a whore, and the list went on and on. He was a respectable pro man and as I was sitting in the ashes of my life for the second time in a join of years he undoubtedly stuck the knife in hard. My partner lost his high profile job because of the accusations because the company could not do with the 'Bad Publicity' which was seemingly endless.

If you've never been complex in an insurance investigation avoid it at all costs. They pick over your whole lives with a fine tooth comb which is like psychological rape. Not only that but the police were complex because of the fire and my ex made quite sure that everyone was aware of my 'dreadful nature.' Quite why he had stayed married to me for over 20 years and why it had been my decision to divorce him and not the other way nearby never occurred to him to consider. Many of the things that he had done to me now became what I had done to him. His womanising became my affairs. His money transactions became my money laundering. His blatant lying became my fraud and so it went on and on and he made sure that in was in the group domain. The articles were photocopied and sent to anything and everyone that we had known while our two decades of marriage. Do you undoubtedly think that habitancy don't believe what they read in the papers? My ex made sure everyone did. I became an outcast after twenty years of knowing habitancy - but then possibly they weren't worth knowing anyway. He even told group Services that I was going to jail and so should have the children removed. He was ruining any opportunity that I had of a company reputation. We had nowhere to live and no money. All our assets had been put into the company and because of my ex's constant interference the insurance issues could take years. So we moved in with house and still he did not leave me alone. I was not fit to look after the children etc etc etc. and the legal bills were mounting. I was not poor enough for legal aid and not rich enough for it not to matter. Once again I had no job and now I was now nearing my mid fifties. .

A opportunity conversation some months later brought the offer of a temporary part time job. I jumped at the opportunity since we desperately needed the money but even here my ex decided to interfere. He wrote to the Chief menagerial about me in what can only be described as libellous terms and that he (my ex) would never hire me. That he (my ex) had for many years been suspicious of my actions etc etc. And concluded the letter off with a flurry of two lines of his qualifications. At the time I did not know about the letter. . Clearly this company were more sympathetic than my partners had been. They had investigated, they knew something of the background because I had told them about my circumstances when I took the job. The matter was located and when my compact concluded I was offered a fulltime permanent position. Were things finding up at last? Obviously not satisfied with the outcome an anonymous letter was sent to the local paper. Once again the whole sorry mess of the fire investigations was dragged up.

However in the meantime we had made representations to the Press Complaints Commission and won our case about the coverage of the fire and the lies that were printed. The papers located out of court and only a join of lines of apology were printed but nevertheless we had won our case. The insurance had ultimately located - although most of the money was taken by legal bills and we felt that we could possibly now shut the book and once again move on.

Ten years on and I still get solicitors letters from my ex's solicitors about anything and all and the law seems to allow him to continue to harass me and make me spend more money on legal bills. I earn possibly a tenth of what my ex does so he can afford to play these games - I can't. I am still with the same company moved on and up and very content. I am pursuing university studies and my own research. My partner (now my husband) is also in gainful employment. He has suffered so greatly these last few years straight through no fault of his own - just by meeting me and being complex with my ex's insanities. How we have managed to stay together I sometimes wonder but had it not been for him I know that I would not be here.

My ex was a pro man who had all and more. He married the limpet and she produced a child very speedily - possibly just to cement things. Am I being cynical? Possibly. An acquaintance's daughter told me some years back that they had all been at a function when my ex disappeared surface with a blonde. My daughter pointed this out to the new wife ( who is not much older than the daughter) and got the reply "So what can I do about it?" man else told me those only two weeks after the wedding he was liaising with an additional one woman. Leopards don't turn their spots. I only hope that she isn't being knocked about like I was.

So we return to the interrogate of when and how did it all go wrong. Should I have tried to love my ex enough to put right his childhood, why didn't I see him for what he was, was all the time going to be and when I did after many years of marriage for the first time why didn't I leave? I'm a clever woman so I should have made good decisions. I am also a strong woman but somehow my ex within a very short duration of time had sucked all my drive and confidence from me and made me believe that I was only wherever I was in life because of him and on reflection that was where he wanted to keep me and obviously still does.

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